Women share addiction struggles

As a follow-up to last year’s presentation from three men about recovering from addictions, the local Substance Abuse Prevention Team, along with the Gizhewaadiziwin Health Access Centre, brought in another set of speakers last week.
But this time the presenters were female. And they spoke to students and community members around the district about their struggles with alcohol and drug addictions.
“Young women have a different metabolism than men, which makes it different in how they deal with alcohol and drugs. They are also able to bear children,” SAPT co-ordinator Hugh Dennis explained.
“That is why we felt is was important to bring them in.”
The speakers were Gwen, 27, Janice, 21, and Lindsay, 24. They spoke to students at Fort Frances High School, Rainy River High School, and Big Grassy School, as well as in Emo, Atikokan, and Couchiching.
In addition to struggling with alcohol and drug addictions, the trio also had problems with eating disorders and self-mutilation.
In fact, all seemed to suffer from a lack of self-esteem.
With her parents divorced and both remarried, Gwen said she never felt like part of either family.
“I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I never felt warmth and comfort,” she remarked, adding she began hurting herself at a young age because she didn’t feel as pretty, skinny, or smart as other girls.
“It seemed everyone else had something I didn’t. I felt I had no friends,” she said. “But then I had some alcohol and the void filled up.
“I felt I belonged somewhere—that I was one of the cool kids.”
She also became anorexic, but still saw someone who was ugly and overweight. And because she moved around a lot, she often got into trouble but moved before she had to take responsibility for her actions.
Gwen met her son’s father when she was 19 years old. Two weeks later, they moved in together.
“He gave me a car and a spending account. I thought it was love,” she noted.
Soon after, she discovered she was pregnant and her boyfriend took away her car and spending account. She also couldn’t drink anymore.
When her son was nine months old, Gwen started partying again.
“My son’s dad would pull me out of the bar and tell me that my baby needed me. I would look at them and walk away,” she recalled. “I never thought my drinking affected those around me.
“I never saw how it hurt my son, partner, and family.”
She explained she was scared to admit she had a problem. But once she asked for help, she was able to overcome her addiction.
Gwen is now five years’ sober and studying kinesiology.
Meanwhile, Janice and Lindsay had similar experiences.
“I couldn’t feel good about myself,” Janice said, noting she was addicted to crack, coke, and alcohol, was bulimic, and often hurt herself.
“It’s a disease of perception. Nothing in my head was real,” she remarked. “I used outside things to fill the void.”
Like Gwen, she didn’t think she was hurting anyone else. “And I wouldn’t have care,” she admitted.
Janice said she knows now that she didn’t need to do those things. She went to rehab and started to feel happy.
“I know today that I’m a good mom,” she stressed. “But I have to work hard to stay sober.”
Lindsay said she suffered from the same feelings long before she put alcohol in her body. “I was obsessed with what I looked like on the outside because I felt so bad on the inside,” she explained.
She also became addicted to drugs, staying in her boyfriend’s basement for days at a time without brushing her teeth or showering.
“That’s when I realized I need help,” she remarked. “Today, I can still have those feelings. If you have felt like this, it’s not weird or abnormal, but some will have to choose which path to take.
“We’re all the same on the inside,” she added, noting that if someone does choose drug or alcohol addictions, they can always turn back and ask for help.
“You’re not alone. You’re not silly. And people are there to help.”
Two students from Fort Frances High School thanked the girls for sharing their stories.
“It was interesting to hear what you had to say,” one noted. “We all have a need for self-fulfillment. Your stories were easy to related to and hit close to home.”
Dennis said he believes the students came away with a lot of information from the presentation.
“There was silence in the room,” he recalled. “The kids were paying attention and that’s an indication that the message was being heard.”