In the heat of the night

All the best stories are true. My brother-in-law, Ralph Jorgensen, an Albertan, related this unvarnished experience:
The weather was hot and muggy, as only it can be at the centre of the universe—the wife’s hometown in southern Ontario.
“But dear, you’ll enjoy it down there. Warm evenings, romantic walks, and gardens . . . gardens to die for. Perhaps even a few rusty old tractors in fencerows to gloat over.
“We’ll have a wonderful trip.”
The last one was a clincher. Anyone can have a garden; just throw some seeds in the dirt, pull a few dandelions, and, voila, a garden. But old tractors? They have a siren call and charisma all their own.
We were staying at the sister-in-law’s place at John and Main. Insulation hadn’t been thought of in the century when her house was built. HEAT was spelled in capital letters.
The bed sheets were clammy. By midnight, sleep was still at third base, apparently never wanting to reach home.
I had enough!
I remembered a far, far better place—downstairs on the sofa, under the fan. Numbly I made my way down the steps. Stubbed toes and abraded elbows meant nothing. I was a man on a mission to find a place with fewer BTUs.
Cool air wafting from the fan did the job. Heaven on earth! It was here! I lay prone on that wonderful lounge. It was simply bliss. Soon I drifted off to sleep.
Apparently others were suffering from the intense heat, as well; the sister-in-law, for instance. Liz had the same idea of achieving nirvana in a cooler place—that sofa downstairs under the fan.
Now Liz knows her way around; after all, it is her house. No stubbed toes or skinned knees as she effortlessly and silently glided through the darkness.
She reached the sofa and lowered herself.
Liz’s bottom and my stubbled face lined up perfectly. It must have been quite a sight—had my eyes been open.
Liz’s scream and subsequent levitation startled me into an awareness only available to those who have experienced a vision.
I don’t exactly know what height Liz achieved at 1:30 a.m. that night, but stray bits of hair tangled in the fan overhead made me wonder.
The house now sports a brand new air conditioner. As well, Liz seems to be recovering from that noticeable stutter.

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