Garbage convoy rolls on

A recent road trip to visit the gene pool in southern Ontario revealed that the economy at the “Centre of the Universe” is simply booming.
An increased level of frenetic ripping up and down the roads, which are really ripped up and being rebuilt to handle the increased traffic, was very evident.
The “Centre of the Universe” roughly can be described as the 905 area code and the GTA (Goofy Trawna Area)—its epicentre, of course, being Queen’s Park.
The total focus of Queen’s Park is simply the scurrying rats . . . er, voters, who control the make-up of the Ontario legislature, and to a lesser (but still substantial) extent, the national Parliament in Hootawa.
Woe betide any politician who pays not homage to their every whim and fancy as our own local hero, Howie Hampster of the NDP (Nearly Dinosaur Party), found out better than a decade back—and in every election since.
But back to that booming economy. Not the auto manufacturing industry. Oh no, it’s deader than a duck, except for the Toyota plants at Cambridge and Woodstock (those communities are GTA wannabees).
The booming industry to which I refer is the garbage transport cartel. Hundreds and hundreds of trucks, every day rolling down the 401 headed for Michigan with another big load of not potatoes—just GTA garbage.
Michigan, which was a “have” state during the height of the auto industry back in the 1960s, is regaining that status again by being garbage dump to the world, or more specifically the GTA.
All those garbage trucks are a real advertising opportunity missed. Instead of the plain green paint jobs, they could advertise a “Come on Over” campaign for Ontario Tourism, with a big picture of Shania Twain.
The attendant electronic technology should be able to resonate the appropriate theme song at a decibel level that would shatter the paint jobs on the thumping boom boxes on wheels—the de rigueur symbol of coolness that pollute every urban street.
Now we can’t blame the garbage convoy on poor old Howie and cohorts’ failure to solve waste disposal. After all, during the reign of Mikey Harrass of the PCs (Politically Crass), we saw the recycle programs gutted and a generation of committed recyclers re-educated to simply pitch it in the dump.
Mikey’s successors, Ernie Inept and John Torpid (a really cold fish), haven’t managed to inspire those GTA voters, either.
That gives us Dolt McFlinty of the Lipservice Party to lead the GTA out of the garbage disposal morass. Doesn’t seem to be working.
So, as long as Michigan is prepared to accept our leavings (for a price), you can be sure garbage will continue to flow down the 401—and no real solutions to the problem being resolved locally will emerge.
Up here in the Great Northwest, we are taking a different tack as the MoE (Ministry of Everything) dictates the closing of more landfills.
We’ll follow Rat Portage’s lead, buy more fuel, and truck it to Manitoba. After all, the Red River Valley needs a few more hills in it.

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