Creating clunkers a stroke of genius

The “Cash for Clunkers” program in the U.S. seems to have been a rip-roaring success.
This side of the border, the Liperal government in Trawna is trying to emulate the same program by taking a totally different approach to the problem of stimulating the auto industry.
I think they may have hit the nail on the head.
“Create Clunkers” has to be a government program, and I think the senior levels of government have managed to gain the support of every administration down to the level of the lowest “Road Maintenance Board” (an obvious oxymoron).
The success of this economic thrust became obvious the other day down at the Bakery in Drizzle Creek, where Cousin It had wandered in, obviously taking a sabbatical from working out on Lake of the Bushes.
“I don’t like to show up for work too regular. It might give the boss the idea I actually like working,” he explained as he swept his hair out of his eyes and ordered up his Texas Toast with double peanut butter and jam.
“Besides, I have to get the car suspension fixed. Hit that giant pothole by the railway crossing again and think something is smoked under the new car,” he added, wondering aloud why the Ministry of Toast and Ovaltine hadn’t taken the opportunity offered by of the economic stimulus package to undertake a few local road repairs.
“Oh, we can’t touch that pothole until we receive economic stimulus approval,” cut in our roving reporter and itinerant truck driver, Frank Fender.
“And it’s not the only one. Why, there’s a hole in a culvert in the middle of #11 the other side of Emu that we’ve kept stuffing full of cold mix every day for the last six months.
“Don’t know where it goes, but must have put 10 yards in it so far and it just keeps growing,” he remarked as he turned down his hearing aids to cut the feedback and ignore any response.
“Then there’s that bridge over LaGully River east of Deviland. Cement Don took me out by it to watch a loaded pulp truck fly over it. Rebar sticking out all over it and it bounced like a set of bed springs in the bridal suite.
“Guess the ministry is waiting for it to collapse like that one in Minneapolis before they do anything about it.
“’Course not much danger of drowning in that section of LaGully unless it’s in full flood,” he editorialized, adding he personally detoured around the bridge whenever possible.
We should thank our government for this stroke of financial genius. Rather than waste our tax dollars on profligate spending investing in infrastructure and subsidizing the auto manufacturing sectors, they simply have closed the coffers on Northern Ontario highway maintenance.
The result? They will create enough clunkers we will have to replace that GM—Government Motors—will have an economic rebound that will be the salvation of the south.
“But what about my new car that’s been turned into a clunker,” wailed Cousin It, barely able to choke down the last of his toast.
I guess he’ll just have to get a steady job.

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