Tips for a successful marriage

Dear sir:
Hi, it’s Rapid Robert again.
Recently, for whatever reason, several people have asked me how long my wife, Eve, and I have been married. Maybe they are perplexed and wonder how one woman could stand a guy like me.
I really don’t know, but the truth is, we are working on our 60th year—and they have been beautiful years together.
One particular individual asked me to try and put down on paper the reasons for such a successful marriage. This individual counsels young people and potential marriages, and wondered what I could offer.
There has to be certain ingredients that go into a marriage, just like a cake. If one is left out, the cake could possibly flop.
The first ingredient for a sound marriage is love. That genuine love must be there. You marry for love and not mistake that for lust. Lust may try to creep in, but it must be genuine love and commitment to one another.
Secondly, all may seem to be perfect but there may be one ingredient left out. He or she is perfect except for probably one seemingly bad fault. If this is the case, the usual statement is, “I’ll be able to remedy or fix that later after we are married.”
I believe if you can’t reconcile the fault before marriage, it will be a bit tougher to reconcile after marriage—if at all.
Thirdly, and quite important is, “Marriage a two-way street.” Couples have to work together. It’s not a cut-and-dried life. If a women can cook and do housework, if the need arises, the man can surely do his bit. On the other hand, she can go out and cut grass or do his labour and reciprocate if the need may be.
A simple way of putting it.
If I remember correctly, in our wedding vows, I said, in effect, “You leave your mother and your father, and become one body.” That sometimes hurts mom and dad a bit after not having to share their son or daughter (I know it did mine).
Not really a problem as you don’t ignore your parents, but your wife or husband then becomes first. Decisions are made together—cool, calm, and collected, and honest to one another.
Children are a big consideration. Times are changing and in my wife and my child-rearing days, Eve took care of the three children that we had, in fine order, and I “so called” made the living.
Doing it that way demonstrated to me that her child-raising was just as important as my bringing in the monetary values—maybe more so.
Nowadays, often both parents work and baby-sitters or “grannies” are necessary. The same rules apply—the two-way street.
Now, Eve and I are retired, but unfortunately she is hospitalized in Emo Long-Term Care. But the same rule applies, as I visit her twice a day, and she is just in my life as usual.
When those visits are over, my other obligations—no matter how big or small—come next.
This has been a difficult subject, not worded properly in some cases, but honest and from my heart.
I hope this hasn’t offended anyone. I, of course, realize different circumstances dictate lifestyles, but, let me tell you, this lifestyle has afforded us a beautiful life going on 60 years.
Respectfully always,
Bob Cottam
Emo, Ont.