Secret to true happiness

When we are young, we think many “things” will be the answer to our pursuit of happiness. A new bike, our first car, cool glasses (though when I first started wearing glasses at age 13, there was not a single thing cool about them, no matter the colour or shape).
I have adorned my face with some of the most hideous frames ever made over the 50 years I’ve been peering through eyeglasses to get a clearer look at life and though there were moments when I thought I might look cool, or cool-ish, I assure you I didn’t.
I’ve been in search of the one thing that will make sense of life. A prayer, an exercise, a haircut, the perfect navy blue hooded sweatshirt, the promise to meditate and to eat less ice cream. They all have done their part to calm my uneasy soul but nothing like my discovery of a week ago.
Nothing could have prepared me for the level of joy and acceptance I felt in the face of unlimited madness that hurls around the globe every hour of every day. Had I known I could feel such bliss, such inner peace, my hope restored, I wouldn’t have been fretting for all these years over the future of the environment, my children’s safety and happiness, and my greying hair and widening waist.
I would have calmed myself, knowing the discovery of the secret to inner spiritual acceptance and well-being was just up ahead–and all it took was a trip to IKEA and the purchase of a 30-inch shoe-horn with a price tag of $1.99 ($2.29 after taxes).
I can’t even begin to expound on the amazing virtues of this life-altering piece of equipment. I wear Blundstones and getting my feet into them requires contortions and breath-holding and cramps in my calves and all manner of discomfort that threatens my well-being.
Not any longer. I can slip my feet into my shoes effortlessly, all the while maintaining a smile–and even a song has been escaping my lips as of late; my joy unable to be contained.
Ahh, sweet shoehorn, how I’ve longed for your support and guidance.
Some may scorn and turn up their lip at my discovery, but scoff not for I speak the truth. I’m willing to share my discovery so that you, too, can find the euphoria of which I speak.
Marilyn Monroe said, “Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she can conquer the world.” I think Marilyn was misquoted. She really meant shoehorn, not shoe.
And the Dalai Lama said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” My actions took me to IKEA to buy a dresser and there I found a shoehorn, and my life is now sublime.
Well, at the very least, my life is sublime while I put my shoes on–and I wear shoes almost constantly so you do the math.