I walk with a limp. I tore the medial meniscus in my right knee in December of 2023. I’d like to say I was wrestling a bear or climbing a mountain or running a marathon at the time of injury, but it turns out that stepping up on to a chair to reach the upper cupboards can be a life-threatening event. I was as surprised as you. I tore the lateral meniscus in the same knee in high school, doing triple jump at our track and field meet, so now I have a matched set. None of this is the least bit interesting, but I noticed the other day that I am no longer aware of my limp. It has become my new normal and I have learned to tolerate and ignore the pain/discomfort and… it got me thinking.
I understand things change; no social norm remains unchallenged. Some of our shifts in perspective have been positive ones. We can now hang laundry on the clothesline and not worry because it turns out we all wear underwear. I can still hear my usually silent grandmother instructing me to hang “unmentionables” between the sheets on the clothesline, so they are not visible. There were very few prying eyes on our farm, and I can guarantee any eyes there were had no interest in laundry. I’m sure she was readying me for my own clothesline, but even at that young age I thought hiding underwear was suspect. Children can now wear unmatching socks should they so choose and not be destined for a life of crime. Boys can have their hair long or short and no one questions their moral code. We don’t tolerate drinking and driving, and we put our seatbelt on as automatically as breathing compared to lying in the back window of the car when I was a child. I’m not sure we require the label on every plastic bag in product packing to advise us the bag is not a toy; I think we’ve got that one figured out. Is not thinking for ourselves the new normal?
I don’t know what age I was, but I remember a news report on television that included the photo of a dead man’s body. I’m thinking it was the era of the Vietnam war. I remember how violently my whole body responded to that photo, the shock nearly knocking me down. I was young, not prepared for my reaction, having never seen a photo of that kind before. Gradually, over time those photos appeared more often on television, becoming a new normal. If people die, being told wasn’t enough.
I often consider my frustration that prejudice still flourishes in our society. I cannot for the life of me figure out how one individual feels superior to another due to any factor; none of which qualify. Racism is inherited. If children listen to their parents expressing scorn for those who differ from them, children will learn that is acceptable. It may frighten or confuse them when they are young, but over time they will come to accept this as normal. “Do as I say, not as I do” never holds water. Children learn from example far more readily than by what they are told.
I think of the decades that Harvey Weinstein was able to abuse women in Hollywood in their pursuit of an acting career. He didn’t do that alone; he had help from those around him, from those who sent young actresses up to his hotel room for a supposed meeting, knowing full well what was going to happen to them when they arrived. I would guess that initially, Weinstein’s staff were uncomfortable with the goings-on, perhaps even outraged, but over time as he perpetuated his abuse it became “normal” for staffers to provide no warning to young women, normal not to raise the concern with others, normal to look the other way. It’s almost as if we accept that if women want to pursue a dream, want to play an active role in the workplace, she had better be prepared for the “normal” abuse she will face. Women came forward to share the truth of how one orange-faced boor had sexually abused them, and they were scorned, threatened, while he got elected to the Oval Office. That should never be considered normal. We have spent generations teaching our daughters how to protect themselves, how not to put themselves in the way of harm, but the new normal should be teaching boys not to do harm.
We must be vigilant to respond to the lies that are flung around these days, before we adjust our perspective to accept this as normal, where we might decide to believe the fabrication that the Ukraine is to blame for the war, or that a shift in our sovereignty is even worthy of discussion. We must speak up when we are witness to wrong doings and be the voice for those who have been silenced. That should always be our normal.
wendistewart@live.ca
