Always answer with ‘not yet’

Can I change? Can any of us change?
Carol Dweck says we can, and I’m inclined to agree with her after reading her thoughts on “Growth Mindset.” Her work is changing how we teach children and how they learn, but its principles can be applied to any of us, school age or not.
So maybe there is hope for me because after spending four months in the Yukon on my own, I’m acutely aware of some personal traits I wouldn’t mind discarding–or perhaps a better way of looking at it would be acquiring new traits.
We often make sweeping statements about ourselves either in our inner dialogue or what we offer to the outer world. In essence, we define ourselves by what we are capable of and all too often, we are focused on what we cannot do.
I’ve heard people respond to invitations to join something with, “Oh, I can’t do that.”
Carol Dweck is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and she is a researcher in the field of motivation; in understanding why people succeed and how we can foster success.
She points out that babies are learning the hardest lessons of all–walking, speaking–and they don’t worry about falling down and having to start again; we are born with the driving urge to learn.
Where does that learning mindset go? We teach it out of them. Somewhere along the line, we think we have to be perfect at something at the very get-go.
We can’t go to the driving range and hack away at a golf ball because those on either side of us know how to hit a golf ball 250 yards. We can’t join a tennis club and learn to play because those we might play with already have the skills of the game down pat.
Eventually we stop learning–to avoid the agony of failure.
Dweck’s research has led her to develop strategies with “The Power of Yet,” which changes our path of running from an error to working with it.
Turning a calendar over to a new year seems to encourage most of us to make lists of what we hope to accomplish in 2018, and we often speak in terms of a fixed idea such as I’m going to run a marathon.
At the end of the year, someone might ask if we can run a marathon and instead of “no,” we should answer with “not yet,” allowing for the possibility of success.
The strategies Dweck employs have changed the lives of children in inner-city schools who were performing at the bottom of the scale in academic achievement. In one year, on shifting from a “fixed mindset” to a “growth mindset,” these children surpassed their goals and outshone many schools in performance.
Equality happens with a growth mindset, allowing whatever time is required to learn a task or develop a skill. Working with effort and difficulty, rather than running from it, allows the brain to form new pathways.
“Not Yet” gives us confidence and allows for many possibilities.
I am an introvert and I am shy. As a child, I merely hid from others to hide my shyness. But adults can’t hide behind the door or sofa; can’t crawl under the bed when we are afraid of or uncomfortable with something.
This trait or habit or whatever we might call it is very limiting–it keeps me from engaging with the world out there; from grabbing hold of experiences I am drawn to. Maybe there is time yet to change that.
I would like to learn to play the fiddle. I have put it on my to do list for 2018.
And if you ask me in the next few months, or even a year from now, if I can play the fiddle, my answer will be … not yet.
wendistewart@live.ca