We hear quite a lot about time management and money management but not much about mind management, which is the source of all other kinds of management, skills, and emotions.
With the challenges we are all facing in the world and each in our own lives, I felt a series of columns on mind management would be helpful. This month’s column focusses on becoming aware of and getting free from negative thoughts.
Negative thinking patterns can wreak all sorts of havoc in our daily lives and relationships. Negative thoughts darken our outlook on life, hold us back, and steal our joy.
Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist and author, uses the acronym ANT, which stands for Automatic Negative Thought. Ants can really ruin a picnic, especially if they bite.
An example of an ANT is thinking we are stupid when we make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes stupid ones, but this does not mean we ourselves are stupid. Whenever we make a mistake it is best to simply notice it, identify it as a mistake, and learn from it.
The worst thing we can do to ourselves when we make mistakes is to call ourselves stupid. This puts a self-fulfilling label on our self as a person instead of on the mistake. If we believe we are stupid we will live down to the label we have slapped on ourselves and we are likely to make more and more mistakes.
Another common ANT is thinking there is something wrong with us when other people judge us or are rude to us. When we hear something negative about ourselves it is helpful to take an emotionally detached look at what was said in case there is anything to be learned by it.
It is definitely not helpful to take on other people’s negative words and judgments about us. Often another person’s negativity is more of a reflection on what is going on inside of them than on what is actually true about you.
Removing the ANTs that are crawling around our minds will make us feel so much better about all different types of circumstances, ourselves and others.
Relationships can be very troubling when ANTs are around. For example, if parents correct their children too harshly the child may feel as though they are bad and take on that bad label. This then creates shame or rebellion within a child’s mind. If someone constantly criticizes their partner the person may come to believe they aren’t loved or respected. If a manager only points out mistakes an employee may feel they can’t do anything right and aren’t good enough for their job.
We become so used to the ANTs in our minds that it feels as though they are a part of us. Taking a close look at what sorts of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions are running around our minds can be very enlightening.
When we notice our mood darken, our energy drop, or a feeling of heaviness drag us down we can go on an ANT hunt to help us see and squash the negative thoughts and beliefs that are causing these negative emotions.
It usually takes time to notice and identify specifically which triggers, thoughts and beliefs are creating negativity in and around us. Once we become conscious of the ANTs that are creating distress and eating our lunch, we can begin to purposely replace negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings with positive ones.
“Your mind is your instrument. Learn to be its master and not its slave.” Remez Sasson
