The truth of the matter

The secret to a happy, long, and lasting marriage is mutual respect, devotion, and truthfulness, right?

Well, maybe the truthfulness part should only be attempted as a last resort.

The Pearl of the Orient and I have kept the knot tied for going on 39 years and we hope to keep the divorce lawyers at bay for a couple more decades.

Also regarding the Pearl’s little truth tidbits, I simply don’t want to know. One surprise visit with the undertaker was enough.

So I will not use this forum for “digging up bones.” After all, true love has to have a good dollop of mystery.

However, this past weekend’s Rainy River Walleye Tournament revealed some real truths amongst the contestants for the entire world to see. Take Cathy and Ziggy, for example.

Ziggy, a longtime competitor in the RRWT, was happy with his fishing partner. It was male bonding at its best. Friendly banter, spirited competition, and no strings attached.

Then it happened. The unthinkable. Cathy put her name on the waiting list and was drawn. But she didn’t have a partner. Who would she select?

Ziggy was in a real pickle. He finally offered to partner, and when the initial spousal interest was cool, he finally insisted.

Morning of the tournament, Cathy showed up with her survival kit—a roll of duct tape to silence Ziggy, a revolver to keep him in line and coerce him back to the dock for potty breaks, and two bottles of medicinal potion to ward off malaria, snake bite, West Nile, and the plague.

She also had a sign directing him to shut up and fish, a set of handcuffs to keep him from going AWOL, and lastly, a big tub to put the fish in.

So why did Ziggy insist on fishing with his wife? Was it a sense of chivalry? Ziggy? C’mon!
Was it loyalty? They have dogs for that?

Loneliness? Maybe a bit.

Mid-life crisis? Ziggy’s way past that!

Mating season? Not on your life, says Cathy!

No, it was none of these reasons. The truth is, it was cold, white-knuckled fear!

Fear that his manhood would suffer unrecoverable damage. Fear his male ego would be squashed like the migrating frogs crossing Highway 11 the past couple of weeks.

Fear that Cathy, with another partner, would scoop poor old Ziggy at the RRWT.

The bare, raw, truth is not to be taken lightly.

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