This week’s column is submitted to me for editing by my B-I-L Ralph Jorgensen of Calgary Alberta. You can understand he needs relief from this year’s tragic failure of his city’s ruptured principal watermain that left him with a strictly enforced city water restriction stated as, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow! If it’s brown send it down!”
His apparent goal is to restock his home’s supply of air freshener.
RAMBLINGS OF A SERIAL ENVIRONMENTALIST
By Ralph Jorgensen
As the heading suggests, I’m into saving the world. For instance: by not aiming at highway gophers; using half litres of best-before milk and; saving razor thin end-crusts. You get the picture. However, it can go too far, even to a dislike of self.
Yesterday, on the highway, I was looking for a roadside ‘relieving‘ station; in other words, a toilet.
To understand my proclivities, I have a cluttered mind, which stores such things as to which type of building would house an ecologically acceptable WC. Old buildings would have high volume eco-unfriendly toilets, shacks likely have none, on and on it goes with my over-endowed filing system. Finally I spied a newish gas station. Certainly it would fit the bill.
As I sat down for a comfortable reprieve, the device acknowledged my presence by issuing a pre-wash Flush #1, which was an ‘affront’ to my ‘bottom, even if a pre-warmed low volume spray. Most pleasant.
Eventually all good things must end, so rising, in error, I sidestepped enough for it’s all seeing eye to apparently activate Flush #2.
Being somewhat afraid of what else the all seeing eye saw, I hastily backed further away, causing Flush #3 to erupt… something like “Yellowstone’s Old Faithful”.
Finally, with shorts, pants and other miscellaneous parts made ready for the outside world, I exited, and said farewell to the Eco-Beast, with a final Flush #4!
Old Scrooge would have said, “Bah! Humbug!” Not me! Next time, I’m opting for the “Royal Flush!” option.
