Evaluating the gene pool

If being housebound during COVID-19 does only one thing, it isolates me to the point I poke through a bunch of my old computer files. Here’s one, I’m glad I did not delete

My wife the Pearl of the Orient and I have invested a lot of years and substantial cash in the gene pool. With year end upon us perhaps it’s time to review those investments and decide which ones should be liquidated.

In the negative column there are all those colds that are brought home from school and visited upon visiting grandparents. Could certainly do without them.

Then there is the complete absence of spare change from both my pockets and the top of the dresser. At first I thought it was just the Pearl gleaning my cash, but she always left me enough for coffee. These current operators have cleaned me right out.

Like a pair of greedy gold panners, as soon as I arise from a period of meditation in the easy chair or on the couch, there is a scramble by grasping hands to gather any stray booty from under the cushions. “Forget those pennies. Get the loonies and toonies,” directs the head looter.

“Papa, I need some money for school today and Dad didn’t leave me any,” pleads ‘she who cannot be denied’ batting her eyelashes woefully. $Ka-ching$ Another trip to the instant teller.

But what is money for if not to waste on the gene pool.

So although there are those few negatives there are some positives

There are trips: to the mall, to the movie theatre, to Disney, driving through three day blizzards, going to school plays, to the lake…. All in all, pretty worthwhile.

And all those hours you spent teaching them to tie their shoes..”the bunny goes around the tree and through the hole”… finally pays off when bending over to tie one’s own shoes becomes impossible. A grandchild kneeling at each foot solves that conundrum.

Personal service is taken to the pinnacle when you are booked into the ‘health spa’ for a beauty and relaxation treatment.

“Papa just sit down in this chair, put your feet up and relax. I’ll put on your favourite music,” instructs grandkid #1. Angel # 2 removes my socks and massages my feet. #1 works on my scalp.

“Relax Papa, relax…” is about the last hypnotic suggestion I hear as I drift into a peaceful slumber. My scalp feels wonderful, my feet feel wonderful. I am at peace.

Sometime later I am roused by persistent giggling and something being applied to my face. A mirror greets my sleepy stare. Lipstick, powder and sparkles adorn my puss. I sputter fully awake.

My propped up feet offer the aroma of peach lotion and orange blossoms. And as I focus on my toes I note the nails on my right foot are a beautiful blue. The ones on the left are bright yellow, with a ‘smiley’ face added to the big toe.

I laugh too. I guess the investment is worthwhile. I’m certainly all decked out, toes and all, for poolside at the condo in Florida.