Paige Desmond
“When we went into care, my dad fought for us,” explained Christine.
“My mom had schizophrenia,” she continued, describing how she and her four siblings ended up in the care of Family and Children’s Services here.
In 1991, when Christine was four, her mom got sick and as her father faced the task of raising and providing for five children, she said things were tough. People in the community became concerned as they watched her dad struggle and after FACS investigated, the kids were split up between a foster home in Devlin and one in Atikokan.
But Christine’s father fought and won to have his children back—starting a merry-go-round which would continue for about four years. “I’ve been in and out [of care] my entire life,” Christine recounted.
Christine credits her father for being a good man, who worked hard to care for her and her siblings. But as she approached adolescence, she needed a female presence in her life.
“He’s an amazing man, he just couldn’t meet my needs,” she said of her father. “I wanted to stay in care. I just wanted a woman in my life.”
Speaking candidly by phone, Christine took time to explain what her experience was like—how she got there, what she struggled with, and how it has influenced the woman she is today.
But while Christine always looks to the good first, she revealed how people can be unrealistic and make life more difficult than it needs to be.
“Nobody in the community wants a [foster] teenager . . . they think they’re going to get a baby and they’re going to adopt it and live happily ever after. I think everyone just has this really unrealistic way of looking at it,” she said of some foster parents.
Moving from home to home, many of the families she was with were great while others were equally not as great, particularly when it came to connecting with their foster kids.
“They don’t want to accept you as a person, they want to accept you as a foster,” she criticized. “It becomes more of a job [for them].
“That would probably be the hardest because you’re always going to come second,” she added, comparing children in care to the parents’ biological children.
Now a mother herself, Christine admitted she can relate to a parent’s easier connection with their biological child as opposed to someone else’s. Still, she said more foster parents—and deeper connections—are an absolute necessity in this community.
“We need so many more homes,” she stressed. “If people could just try it out and see . . . it would change the [kids’] future.
“It really prepares us more for adulthood and growing up. I know that I wasn’t easy at times,” Christine admitted, but she urges people in the community to consider fostering for FACS.
Yet the young woman counts herself as lucky because there were some parents she was able to feel at home with. “I had two foster homes out of several that I actually had a connection with,” she said.
And she urges current foster kids take some advice: “If you think someone out there is trying to help you, then accept it,” she counselled.
But with the good experiences also came some bad. “There’s a lot of foster homes out there that aren’t good,” said Christine. “I lucked out, I had one bad foster home that tore my life apart.”
She also offered a contradictory rule of thumb, which Christine says needs to be balanced. “Don’t be afraid to open up but don’t let your guard down,” she advises kids in care.
The guard she refers to is the wall Christine said most Crown wards build around themselves—a barrier meant for protection that can prevent a deeper connection between a child and foster family.
“Emotionally, it was hard,” the new mother conceded. As she moved from home to home during her volatile teen years, Christine felt an insecurity she said is typical for kids in foster care.
Asking questions like “Is this my fault?” and thinking, “There’s something wrong with me,” Christine admitted she developed a bit of a negative attitude towards foster homes and parents. “I guess growing up, you go through different stages in your life. There were times where I’d go kicking and screaming,” she recalled.
“You build a wall.”
When asked if that wall will ever come down, or if kids in care get over it, she added, “I’m not sure that most kids do.”
And as if these challenges weren’t enough, there is the stigma.
“Where do people get these ideas?” Christine wondered of the general perception of foster kids.
“I’m angry about it. I really cannot comprehend where people get this idea from [that kids in care have something wrong with them].”
She recalled not being able to go to a classmate’s house because the friend’s parent knew she was in care and would not allow her at the house. “It’s a terrible thing to do, to make one person stand out because of something that’s not their fault,” she said.
Luckily, Christine has found happiness in her life. She is engaged, has a house, young son, and a puppy.
“I would say I’m lucky more than most,” she mused. “My outlook is that I had so many people in my life looking out for me. I look back on it and just because of who I am, I see the good things.”
Christine, who now works for FACS, said the workers there ultimately were looking out for the best interest of kids in care. “They just kind of get to know you.”
And as she plans her upcoming wedding, the bride-to-be laughs when citing all the past foster parents who are on the guest list. “I like to stay connected somehow,” she said.
With a soft sentimentalism inflecting her speech, Christine sums things up as best she can.
“I’m proud of my life and I’m definitely not ashamed of where I come from,” she remarked. “There’s a lot of people that really want to paint a bad picture of the system, I always saw both sides.
“The system is a great place for children that need it, but if you don’t need it, stay at home with your parents,” she stressed.
