“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
Alyce Cornyn-Selby
It’s that time of year—late January. We are deep in the midst of winter with the end of it quite far off, and we are at the time when most New Year’s resolutions get abandoned, the typical date of resolution abandonment being January 17. What is it that causes us to want and even commit to making changes, but then abandon our goals?
Self-sabotage is when we do or don’t do certain things that interfere with our well-being and goals, whether consciously or unconsciously. Self-sabotage can be challenging because we often aren’t aware that we’re getting in our own way let alone understand how to stop doing that, or why we self-sabotage.
These anonymous quotes shed some light on this:
“Self-doubt does more to sabotage individual potential than all external limitations put together.”
“Nothing will sabotage our happiness and success more thoroughly than the fear that we are not enough.”
Some signs of self-sabotage include:
- Constantly criticizing ourselves
- Procrastinating
- Doubting our abilities
- Believing that we are not capable of success
- Getting close to a goal and quitting
- Second-guessing our decisions
- Being in unhealthy relationships
- Seeking constant reassurance
- Undermining our achievements
- Avoiding challenging tasks
- Not speaking up when we should
- Complaining when we shouldn’t
- Not keeping our word to ourselves or others
- Setting unrealistic goals
- Not putting sufficient effort into achieving a goal
- Believing and saying negative things about yourself and your abilities
- Resisting change
- Refusing to ask for help
- Suppressing emotions
- Shying away from comfort and the unknown
- Using substances or activities to distract ourselves from difficult emotions.
If you notice yourself doing some of these things, you are not alone. Most of us do or don’t do things that aren’t helpful to ourselves.
Becoming aware of the signs of self-sabotage is the first step toward overcoming it. When you catch yourself doing one of them, ask yourself why. Figuring this out with just your mind doesn’t often work. We need to dig deeper into our hearts to pull out the negative beliefs and fears that have been with us, often for most of our lives.
One of the more serious signs of self-sabotage is addiction. It is easy to notice the more obvious addictions such as drug or alcohol abuse but more subtle addictions can also cause us to self-sabotage. These could include eating too much, spending too much or wasting time on meaningless activities.
To get clear for the New Year we’ve just begun, you may find it helpful to consider the following questions:
Do I have any of the signs and symptoms of self-sabotage?
What are the beliefs or fears that are causing me to self-sabotage?
How can I go about overcoming my own ways of self-sabotaging?
“Be careful how you talk to yourself because you are listening.”
Lisa M. Hayes
