A brave new world

Diane Maxey of Fort Frances is headed into the New Year with many sentiments on her sleeve.
2005 will be an unprecedented path, when, for the first time since 1973 she will go it alone after losing her husband, Jim, to a lengthy illness nine months ago.
Her story isn’t new. Many women—surviving their husbands—have walked the same road. But Maxey’s resolve to move forward with gratitude and optimism bears astounding testament to the power of her love, faith, and the gift of giving.
That’s not to say it will be easy. She was married for 31 years, and retired just four years from a long career as a teacher. Luckily, though, Maxey’s personal philosophies that she’ll carry into this next phase of her life are the same ones she and her husband believed in and shared—making the journey all that much more meaningful.
Wearing a bright red sweatshirt that belonged to Jim (for the days she needs a hug), she graciously accepted the challenge of talking frankly and honestly—amid tears and laughter—about a very fragile time.
“[My philosophy] incorporates how Jim and I lived,” Maxey explained during an interview at her home earlier this month.
“You must live every day to the fullest, you really must. You can and should do whatever you want to do in your life. Build on it every day. Take the time and be the best you can be, whatever that is,” she stressed.
“Each day I reaffirm that I will make the best of it. I live that day and all the things in that day that can be lived and still try to have time just for me. If you don’t do these things, you’re missing out,” she contended.
“Thank God I was able to do that in my life with Jim. We always made time for each other.
“It’s hard to take that first step after someone you love dies,” Maxey admitted. “You do that first step little bit by little bit, in baby steps, especially when you’ve had a close relationship like I had.
“But all those firsts—you just do them as soon as you can.
“For the first little while after Jim died, all I could do was drive around A&W to the drive-thru and get my coffee,” she recalled. “Jim and I always went in and had coffee and at first I just couldn’t do that.
Even when I went to Safeway, I went at 10 o’clock at night because that made it [a different time] than when Jim and I would go, not so much a reminder that he was not with me there.
“If I did not do these things, these first steps, I would be finished. I would still be [cooped up] in this house,” she added.
Maxey also encouraged other people facing a similar loss to give their grief a voice.
“Don’t forget to cry. You have to let it go. You have to deal with your loss and your mourning,” she advised. “You can’t pretend it’s not there and push it back inside yourself.
If you don’t face it, I believe you’ll crack,” she stressed.
“I still lose it. [My grief] is still raw, but that’s okay,” she added.
A tireless community-minded individual, Maxey did not wait long to get back into her involvement with the outside world. And as the holidays drew nearer, she could be found prepping local school choirs for their annual Christmas concerts.
She also is the driving force behind the highly-acclaimed Christmas cantata held annually at St. Mary’s Church here.
She was quick to point out the old cliché about “getting what you give” because in her case, it’s true—big time. Like a warm hug, friendships and community support have enveloped her in a time of need.
“Everything I give, I get back—I get back a thousand-fold. I now need it more than ever,” she remarked.
“There is not a day that goes by—and it’s been nine months since Jim died—that when I go out someone doesn’t ask, ‘Di, how are you doing today?’
“That makes me feel great, it helps me get through.
“You surround yourself with the people that support you,” she said. “It’s the people that Jim and I associated with—that we grew with—that support is still there for me.”
Maxey also is still passionate about teaching. She remains a substitute teacher and also tutors students (whom she calls “my kids”) in her home to help them on their way through the rigours of the school curriculum.
Her style? Inspire with kindness and caring.
“I feel that teachers are born, not made. You can be taught all the skills of being a teacher, but if it’s not in your soul, in your heart, then you won’t be really good at it,” she argued.
“I believe that to be a well-respected and good teacher, it’s my job to make you understand what I’m teaching you,” she explained. “If you have trouble understanding the method I am using, then it’s my job to find another way to teach you so you will understand.
“Making a child feel inadequate because he or she doesn’t [understand] makes no sense to me what so ever,” Maxey noted. “It is my job to get it across, no matter what I have to do—and I have used many teaching styles.
“That’s why I tutor,” she continued. “These kids really need to be treated as warmly and lovingly as possible to nurture their learning. I love my kids and I believe in every child.
“That’s what I tell them, ‘Whatever you want to be, you can achieve it. It might take longer, it may hurt a little more, but you can do it,’” she remarked.
An avid believer in her own personal growth, Maxey makes a point to listen and learn from others every day. However, two names came to the top of the list when she was asked specifics about her mentors.
“When I was first teaching here, there were two women teachers from whom I learned so much. They were Helen Brow and Rose Bernardi,” said Maxey (both women still reside here).
“They let me take over the classroom and be, and make my own mistakes,” she recalled. “I can remember Rose’s exact words. ‘I’m leaving the classroom now. You need to be in here with the kids and find your way.’
“My other mentors are all the people I grow and learn with—all whom I associate with—my friends and those people that work different jobs. It gets me thinking, gets me growing.
“I gain something from them all.”
Maxey believes strongly that she is here for a purpose greater than herself. She hasn’t forgotten how big a part faith plays in this Earth school, but isn’t exactly sure her “faith” is based purely in the religious sense of the word.
And if she must set an example for others, it remains a given that her message be “give to your community and gain a family.”
“If people don’t have some measure of faith, I don’t know how they get through,” said Maxey. “My faith is people. I’ve always said ‘people are the church’—there’s your faith community.”
And in the coming year, so will she grow and push herself to take bigger steps on this new road in life—a journey she is sure to make the best of.
“Now it is time to do things with friends, to grow with my friends,” she smiled. “It’s really hard to make these decisions whenever you have had an incredible relationship with someone, but I’m okay.
“I’m in new territory now. My life has taken a different road, unfortunately, and I have to deal with it,” she remarked.
“I will miss Jim for the rest of my life. He was my soulmate and truly the other half of my being, [but] I am very blessed and very fortunate, even though Jim is gone,” she reasoned.
“Because of all the people in my life—because without them it would be a very tough struggle,” Maxey stressed. “I am enriched. I feel valued and appreciated, and that’s a beautiful feeling.”