Kaldor keeps audience in stitches

Anybody can warble a love song and, in the right frame of mind, just anybody can pen a love song.
But it takes talent to write love song about a woman meeting “Mr. Right” while he’s wearing a hat sporting the name of a weed killer on it. And talent is what Connie Kaldor has.
Admittedly, I didn’t know what to expect when I showed up for Kaldor’s concert last Thursday at the Robert Moore School auditorium. But “tour de Fort” president Ted Jablonski couldn’t stop raving about her before the concert.
He continued raving right up until he brought Kaldor on the stage.
“I know I say this before every concert, but this is our best concert yet,” he told some 500 people on hand for the show.
She walked on stage with only one back up musician, “Bill,” who switched from bass guitar to violin between numbers. Kaldor herself switched from acoustic guitar to an electric piano now and then, but often she played no instrument at all, merely relying on the strength of her voice and Bill’s bass beat to keep the rhythm.
“I know many of you sitting out there are thinking to yourself I shouldn’t be here tonight,” she said as Bill played a bouncy bass rhythm in the background.
“I have too many things to do. I mean, I should be putting up Halloween decorations, not sitting here enjoying myself. I should be putting up fake bats and carving out the pumpkin and sewing the children’s Halloween costumes. I mean I should be doing something else, I have way too many things to do.
“I should be exercising more instead of just sitting here enjoying myself. I mean, if only I had a thigh master. Then I could be exercising and getting fit . . .”
And so on until she finally broke into the first line of “Relax,” one of the songs she’s promoting from her new CD, “Small Cafe.”
And the audience–myself included–laughed until she started singing. Kaldor’s prairie-girl humour popped up several times throughout the concert, often counter-balancing the seriousness of the songs she sang.
“A bad love life is great for your career. So for years I sacrificed for the sake of my audience,” she said, getting a ripple of laughter from the crowd.
“Until I met the guy I loved,” Kaldor added, noting her tragic love-life ended there.
“Fortunately I have friends who made very bad choices and I lived vicariously through them,” she said, once again receiving laughs.
And so the evening went, laughing uncontrollably one minute to coming close to tears the next as Kaldor deftly pulled at the strings of the crowd’s emotions.
All too soon it seemed, the show was over. One final joke, one last song, then it was time to go home.
“You’re lucky to have people who will bring something into the community,” Kaldor noted. “To think that people will risk something as special as their time to do this. The sense of community here is great.”