Trevor Bonot
Dear editor,
27! What had you accomplished by then? Perhaps you had finished your education, started your dream job, gotten married or maybe even started having a family. For me, I was stuck, Stuck knowing I was being someone I was not. Sure, I had a career and my own home but I was unhappy and I knew why. Knowing who I was but being afraid to be that person, was something deeply rooted in me. Imagine being 27 and not having the courage to say three little words, “I am gay”. Looking back I know that part of this is because of where I grew up. Do not get me wrong, I had a happy childhood with a loving family and friends. But I always knew I could never be myself while I lived in the Rainy River District.
Present day, this feeling has come back to me. The feeling of being stuck in ‘the closet’ – helpless and silent. I refuse to be pushed backwards into that place. Over the last couple of weeks I have struggled with the idea of saying anything at all. Thoughts of my family, friends and career all came to mind, suppressing my voice. In the end however, I knew I needed to say something, just for me.
Being able to be out and proud as a gay man has changed my life for the better. It has given me a closer connection to family and friends, an exciting new career, and success in curling I had only dreamed of. Growing up in the Rainy River District these are all just things I didn’t think could happen. I always knew I would need to move away if I ever wanted to be myself, thus separating me from my family. I struggled with confidence, something needed to get a career you desire. As far as curling went I could never perform to my potential with this weight always resting on my shoulders. Performing freely and to my ability was just out of the question.
Last summer I was welcomed back by Borderland Pride to be their first Grand Marshall for the annual Pride March. This was a huge honour for me and I was thrilled to walk with my family by my side and have them there as I was able to speak about being proud of who I am. Last year was the first year I was able to attend Borderland Pride and it was an incredible event put on by great people. Allowing me to witness how my home area, that small corner of the world can grow and change from what I remember as a young person.
However, seeing what has been going on in the District this year has been heartbreaking and very hard to watch. I don’t just mean the appalling decisions made by the Emo town council, which were gut wrenching for me. I mainly mean the response from the supporters of the decision made. I have viewed posts about ‘what a piece of paper can really do’ and read that homes showing support for Pride are having signs stolen. That positive feeling I left with last summer has been tarnished.
I urge people to reconsider the way they view this situation and understand what they say does affect actual people. Please be open minded and accepting of those around you and in our communities. As for that simple piece of paper that Emo council refused to sign, it represents so many things, but ultimately, respect. This acceptance could be something to change a life, maybe even save it. Seeing those signs of support may give a young person the courage to finally ‘come out’ – knowing that they will still have a family and a neighbour who are there for them. It could allow someone to live life true to themselves today and not have to wait until 27.
I am not writing this to tell anyone how to live their life. But hopefully help people understand that my gay life is just that, a life. Not a lifestyle.
Trevor Bonot
