Hey parents, seal your lips and open your eyes

Ryan: “My kid is going to the NHL.”
Mark: “Hey, that’s good news, which team has he signed with?”
Ryan: “Well, he hasn’t actually signed with a team yet, but when he does, we’re hoping the Maple Leafs, the Flyers, or maybe even the Rangers.”
Mark: “He hasn’t signed yet? But you just said he was going to the NHL.”
Ryan: “Yeah, he is . . . in about 10 or so years.”
Mark: “Wait a minute. Exactly how old is your son?”
Ryan: “That’s him right there—#6.”
Mark: “He can’t be over eight years old. . . .”
(Mark gets interrupted as Ryan starts screaming to the ice)
Ryan: “. . . Hey Jeremy! Remember what we talked about! It’s in your hands. It’s always in your hands!”
Mark: “How old is Jeremy?”
Ryan: “Oh, Jeremy is nine and he’s such a great kid . . . (screaming to the ice) Jeremy! Keep your #&*@^#% head up! I didn’t skip work to watch you stare at the ice!”
Mark: “What are shouting for? The game hasn’t even started yet.”
Ryan: “Oh, sorry about that, it’s just that my son was starting to lose concentration there.”
Mark: “What are you talking about?”
Ryan: “He was staring at the ice … Jeremy! I said to keep your #&*@^#% head up! What are you deaf or stupid?!”
Mark: “All nine year olds lose concentration. Their at that age when they get easily distracted.”
Ryan: “Everyone but my kid.”
Mark: “You got any other kids?”
Ryan: “Yeah, two older boys. Jeff is 16 and Tom will be 14 in a few months.”
Mark: “Do they play hockey?”
Ryan: “They did, but they both quit.”
Mark: “Why’s that?”
Ryan: “They said they weren’t having any fun anymore, which is the biggest bunch of crap I’ve ever heard. . . . Hey coach! Make sure you play my kid right! He’s the best player on the team, and you know it! So make sure you play him plenty!”
Mark: “Does Jeff or Tom play any sports now?”
Ryan: “Yeah, they both play volleyball, which has got to dumbest sport ever created.”
Mark: “Volleyball is a cool sport. I like it because there are a lot of aspects to the game that. . . .”
Ryan: “. . . whatever you say, coach. You can’t make any money from volleyball. Name me at least one volleyball player.”
Mark: “Well, I don’t know any. . . .”
Ryan: “Ha, you see? You can’t even name anyone.”
Mark: “Yeah, but just because a sport isn’t popular doesn’t mean that it’s not a good. It’s actually really enjoyable.”
Ryan: “Listen. . . .”
Mark: “It’s Mark.”
Ryan: “Great, yeah. I didn’t take out a second mortgage on my house to see my kid (lifts his hands and does quotation sign with his fingers) have fun. I paid close to four grand for my kid to play and I’m expecting to get something out of it.”
Mark: “What do you mean, ‘Get something out of it?’”
Ryan: “I spent God knows how much money on Jeff and Tom to play hockey and they quit, so that money went to the garbage, so Jeremy is my last chance.”
Mark: “You’re last chance at what?”
Ryan: “You know? Making the big leagues.”
Mark: “That’s a real shame.”
Ryan: “What is?”
Mark: “Nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”
(Jeremy would quit hockey later that month)

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