Celeb fights we’d like to see

Far be it for me to attempt a social critique on what passes for entertainment on TV these days, but watching and reading recent promos during the cavalcade of May sweeps finally prompted me to put fingers to keyboard and write about the biggest sports-related freak show out there.
To wit, “Fox’s Celebrity Boxing” . . . Part Two.
The premise of the first gem: take two washed up celebrities with little to no boxing experience, slap a pair of gloves on them, and watch them pantomime a bad impression of an even worse boxing match.
It happened earlier this year and boom, 15 million viewers later, it’ll happen again next Wednesday. Last time, we got Vanilla Ice vs. Todd Bridges. Now it’ll be John Wayne Bobbit (if it’s the guy you’re thinking of, you’re probably right) taking on Joey Buttafuoco while former NFL great William “Refrigerator” Perry meets former pro basketball player Manute Bol.
Should it bother us that actual boxers, including light heavyweight Roy Jones Jr. and middleweight Felix Trinidad (guys not known for ear-biting or rape), have their sport loosely related to this circus?
No, not really (then again, I’m a pro wrestling fan).
I just think if the networks are going to bring the bar of what passes for entertainment as low as it can go, why not bring some real celebrities. Perhaps even some from this decade.
Or even better, some fantasy matchups with a Canadian spin?
What about Don Cherry versus Ron MacLean? Despite what you see with their clever banter, there’s no real bad blood between this comic team of “Coach’s Corner.”
Or is there? Picture it: It’ll take one more bad pun by MacLean for Cherry to finally snap. During the match, look for Cherry to get disqualified when he takes a swing below the belt when MacLean convinces him Europeans actually do belong in the NHL.
For you political types, how does a match between Prime Minister Jean Chrétien and Finance minister Paul Martin sound? The winner gets control of the Liberal party and the first crack at Joe Clark or Stephen Harper.
And finally, how about former Canadian Olympic gold medalist and current WBC and IBF heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis versus Celine Dion?
Perhaps that’s a little bit too much wishful thinking.
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A.J. Tucker of Fort Frances was co-winner of the most gentlemanly player award for the Northern Ontario Junior Hockey Association.
A former member of the local ‘AA’ Taggs Bantams, the current Sturgeon Falls Lynx tallied 72 points (32 goals/40 assists) in 42 games.
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In related junior hockey news, an information and planning session for hosting the 2003 Dudley Hewitt Cup (the provincial Junior ‘A’ hockey championship) will be held tomorrow at La Place Rendez-Vous starting at 8 p.m.
For more information, contact the Couchiching First Nation office at 274-3228.
In case you missed it, the NOJHA’s Rayside Balfour Sabre-cats, who won the Dudley Hewitt over the SIJHL champion Dryden Ice Dogs last month, went 0-4 at the Royal Bank Cup in Halifax (the national Junior ‘A’ showdown).
The host Exports beat the OCN Blizzard 3-1 in the championship final Sunday.
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Longtime local judo instructor Kim Kozik earned his “shodan” at a black belt grading in Kenora last weekend.
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Doug McBride and Steve Ballan will be the first local team to try their hand at tournament fishing as they enter the Sturgeon Bay bass tournament starting tomorrow.
They’ll be one of 200 boats at the three-day event competing for the top prize of $28,950.
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Muskie girls’ soccer head coach Struchan Gilson will be holding a referee and linesperson clinic here May 25-26.
For more info call Sone Sonnasinh (274-7387), Keri Russell (274-5107) or Jodi Johnson (484-2144).
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Openings are still available for the junior golfers’ program at Kitchen Creek.
Classes run at noon Sunday for kids 12-under and 1 p.m. Sunday for the 13-18 age group.
At least one course is mandatory for kids under-12 who want to golf. Call Brian at 274-4653 for registration details.

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