A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ uttered merely to please – or worse; to avoid trouble.
Mahatma Gandhi
The word “NO” is usually one of the first words our children learn to say. Technically, it is an easy word to say. Practically, it can be very difficult for some of us to say no to a persuasive or controlling person. It can also be hard to say no to the pull of a craving, or to the harsh sound of a critical voice inside our own heads that won’t let us rest.
Since November actually starts with N-O, and is the start of a season in which we tend to find ourselves stressed, tired and over-committed perhaps it’s a perfect time for a brief mid-month time-out to think. Is there anything or anyone we could or should say “No” to?
First off, many of the demands we feel we need to fulfill come from the complicated and sometimes convoluted systems within our own set of expectations for ourselves.
Often if we took even a few minutes to do the math on whether everything we want to get done is reasonable, we would see a red flag before the train of exhaustion hits us right around the time we want to be winding down to enjoy time with our families, to relax or to sleep.
People who manage their schedules and goals well take time to decide what is most important and aren’t afraid to “cut the bottom” – in our case, probably our to-do lists! Steve Jobs counsels business leaders, “You have to pick carefully… Innovation is saying no to a thousand things.”
Once we’ve mastered saying no to our internal guilt and perfectionism induced commitments, then we can learn how to say no to people who don’t like taking no for an answer. Greg Mckeown points out, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”
If you feel overwhelmed, frustrated or unfulfilled or if you notice yourself experiencing or suppressing feelings of stress, guilt and resentment, there may be some people or perhaps an organization in your life you need to set some boundaries for and learn how to say no to.
We’ll take a deeper dive into how to define and protect boundaries in a future column as this is a definitely a topic all on its own.
For now as we step into the sometimes slippery holiday season let’s take a few minutes to ask ourselves:
*Is there anything I could decide to say NO to that would improve my health?
*Is there a negative thought pattern I could start stopping in its tracks?
*Is there anyone I need to start thinking about saying NO to, at least sometimes?
“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.”
Tracy Malone
