Under the knife

It’s just amazing what a surgeon can do. My old carcass was in need of some repair, so decided to invest some time and money in getting it overhauled.

What? You say that’s like putting a new set of tires on a rusty old car before you take it to the Lamont’s scrap yard.

Well maybe, but it’s my money and maybe somebody will come looking for spare parts.

Anyways, my vision has been slipping, so I had some work done on my left eye a few years back… a cataract and an intact to kind of stretch things out, round it up and point it in the right direction. Kind of like a bra but for the eyeball.

Now the right eye was complaining it could no longer see properly and was complaining about lack of attention. So I booked an appointment for the right eye… about two years ago, but something called a Covid Pandemic intervened. Finally I was scheduled… in Brandon, Mb

“Geez Doc, couldn’t I get it done someplace closer…like Rat Portage?” I whined thinking of the time, expense, and blizzards a trip in that direction would entail.

“Naw1 You’ better stick with the surgeon you have. Not wise to switch horses in mid stream, besides you have really weird corneas and this guys is the expert,” quipped Ol’ Doc Peepers as he squinted into my eye through his magnifying glass.

So it was all set. Jan 20. Don’t be late and by the way be there at 8:00 am Jan 19 AM for a Covid swab.

But what If I can’t get there by then? Or test positive? Tough you wait another six months, so you better self isolate

So I hermitted for 10 days which was not to hard considering the weather.

On the Monday before my Tuesday departure for my Wednesday morning swab, for my Thurs morning surgery, I packed my bags and turned on the TV.

“BLIZZARD WARNING” it screamed repeatedly. “NO TRAVEL IN MANITOBA OR NW ONTARIO. TUES AND WED..

Oh crap! They’ll cancel my appointment. I threw my bags in the car and burned out of town. The road was good all the way to Winnipeg. Should I stop? NO!

In Portage it started to snow. Five miles later visibility descended to zero except for the one red light I was creeping up on. At least I think it was one red light. No, it was the tail light of a B-train heading west. There was a bit of loose snow on the road but it was not slippery so I sneaked up beside him and the blast of snow cleared do I blasted past him pulled into the clear lane and sped on west.

The visibility got worse and another red light appeared. Another B-Train. I blasted by into the clear air and continued the insanity…. Truck, after truck, after truck…..

I made it to Brandon about midnight and settled into the motel or a couple days. No sign of the Covid. Got my swab and continued to self isolate. I guess it was ok but the computer could not find my info next day as I was from out of province. Three phone calls, and the spelling error corrected, and my results were located.

By the time I made the hospital Thursday morning my nerves and expression must have been a little jangled, as the nurse gave me this little yellow pill and told me to relax. I don’t remember much about the next hours…. Good drugs! Later they wheeled me out to the curb where Junior was waiting to pick me up.

We made it back to Winnipeg. I’m not sure exactly how. Took a while for that little yellow pill to wear off. And a couple days later I was home.

The vision is clearing up nicely. OL’ Doc Peepers says I’m now 20/20. But I looked in the mirror and did not recognize the old fart looking back at me. Perhaps I need shades or corrective lenses.

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