It was the Monday morning after the recent cattle sale with its record-setting prices. Ziggy was pulled up to the table looking his scruffiest. Pickle was no better wearing a pair of threadbare jeans with a non-functioning zipper and torn crotch. It nearly looked like he was trolling for companionship, but there were no takers.
Dressed in my worn out cut-offs over my long johns I wasn’t much better except I had an excuse. It was my exercise outfit…plus I’m on a fixed income. I commented to Ziggy that he did look pretty disrespectable in spite of his cattle sale-induced flush financial state.
“This is a fashion statement!” brayed Ziggy as he dabbed gobs of jam on his peanut butter slathered toast. Made the toast look like it had smallpox or a bad case of the zits.
“Just look at what the fashion conscious are wearing…jeans with more holes than fabric. And they pay hundreds of bucks each for those “antiqued” denims,” explained Ziggy as he wiped his jam-smeared hands on his well-stained ragged Levis to further enhance their value.
“I took five pairs of my rattiest old jeans down to the cattle yards and laid them out in the sorting alley for the cattle to tromp on. The stains will be authentic as well. Only thing better would be if the cattle had been out on fresh grass. They’ll be classics. I put them on Facebook for $500 a pair,” he concluded as he stuffed the last piece of toast into his gullet.
“FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS! Why nobody would pay that,” sputtered Pickle choking on his own toast.
“Oh yeah! I already got orders for all my first run. I even applied for a trade mark … ‘Ragged –Ass Road Attire’… I hope Yellowknife, NWT, don’t sue me for patent infringement,” stated Ziggy as he thoughtfully scratched his three-week growth of cold spring stubble.
“Guess I’d better get down to the photographer to get some publicity shots for the press release,” he wondered to himself as he prepared to depart from the Debating Table a mere hour into morning coffee break.
“Can I get a few pair to you …on consignment? What percentage commission you gonna charge?” quizzed Pickle at Ziggy’s departing back.
“How about you Gary? You got a few to throw in?” I asked to see if there were other interested fashionista entrepreneurs.
“Naw. I’m gonna be busy making litter boxes for the school board. Seems the students that want to self-identify as ‘furries’ are gonna need appropriate restroom facilities,” he explained.
Who’s gonna clean those litter boxes? We’ll watch for a report on the National News.