Scrubba Dub Dub

After a long hard day getting the garden and lawn in shape, there’s nothing like a long soak in the tub. Sure a shower will get the grime off, but what about the aches and pains?
If you come from my generation, out on the farm without indoor plumbing or running water, you understand. As one of eight siblings, I was generally last in line to use the galvanized wash tub, on the floor in front of the kitchen woodstove. Even as things modernized, soaking my 6’4” frame in a 4 ft bathtub was not really luxuriating.
That’s why when we updated the bathroom in our home I went whole hog. A six-foot tub, complete with reclining headrest and a powerful turbo blast Jacuzzi. Man this was really something.
After a recent brutal day of slaving it was time for a BATH. I ran the tub full of hot water. Really full. . . we have a tankless hot water heater that never runs out of hot water. . . as long as we pay the gas bill.
Next a shot of bubble bath. . . the full bottle as it wasn’t very big. I turned on the jets timer to one hour and gingerly lowered by bulk into the steaming swirling caldron. I think it was hot enough to scald chickens, but with the help of a little added cold water finally sank in to the rapidly growing bubble cloud. A few of the bubbles crept over the edge of the tub. . . I’d worry about them later.
I luxuriated. The jets swept away the grime, my aches, and my pains. I slipped into a semi comatose state; only coming to when the timer on the jets expired suggesting I was well done. I also felt exhausted, but managed to struggle into a sitting position and contemplated how I was going to muster enough strength to stand.
I pulled my feet back under me while gripping the sides of the tub and tried to heave myself up. At that point the excess bubble bath that had congealed on the bottom of the tub demonstrated it extreme lubrication properties.
“KA. . . SPLOOSH”
My feet shot straight out, and up, propelled by my butt, while my head and shoulders descended into the depth. I was near drowning, however the tsunami I created emptied half of the tub onto the bathroom floor. Spouting like a harpooned whale, I resurfaced and cleared my lungs of bubbles and bath water.
Once more I pulled my feet back and gripping the sides of the tub, I made another attempt. Same result, except this time it was a mere tidal wave as the tub level was severely depleted. And with no bubbles and less water to cushion, my head had a good rap on the end of the tub.
Third time same tactics but success… I drained the rest of the tub and mopped the water on the floor down the heat vent. . . the house needed a little more humidity anyways.
The concussion seems ok. Just a slight headache and blurry vision. But not sure how I’ll handle the next bath. Maybe I can arrange for a couple of friends to come over and help me out.
They must be sick of social distancing by now.

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