Real Estate in the Swamp

One fall while in Kenora I stopped around to visit with Sweet Charlotte and Big Pie.
“So you’re headin’ for Florida again this winter?” queried Big Pie looking sadly at the big snowflakes that were drifting down out of the November sky.
“Yeah, staying around for this isn’t my idea of fun,” I replied as I pushed my cup across the counter for a refill and Sweet Charlotte served me up another piece of apple pie. Big Pie slid his plate forward for a second slice with a hopeful puppy dog look on his face.
“Get away! You’re on a diet. Remember that bump you had last spring!” cautioned Sweet Charlotte as she slapped his begging hand. Big Pie retreated.
“I think maybe we should go to Florida. Got a piece of prime property down there I bought a few decades back over near Crawfordville. Never have seen it though. In a place called Magnolia Acres,” explained Big Pie watching wistfully as I tucked into the pie.
“Crawfordville! I know the place. Right over by Wakulla Springs. Beautiful place. We go over there most years to see the wildlife. Lots of alligators there because of the warm spring water they stay active all winter,” I explained slipping into my travelog mode.
“Alligators! You’d never get me near the place!” snorted Sweet Charlotte alarmed at the thought of reptiles.
“”Alligators? Are they good to eat? Ever eat one?” asked Big Pie still pining after the denied piece of pie.
“Yeah once. Tastes kinda like chicken. You can get it at most restaurants down there.” I replied, as I put the rest of my attention to cleaning up my pie.
Pushing back my plate I continued, “And snakes. All kinds of them along those rivers and swamps. Particularly when they get a big rain and the critters kind of get flooded outta their home turf. Sure do raise the devil with the dog and stray cat population when that happens. Particularly with all those pythons that folks let go wild.”
“Snakes!” shrieked Sweet Charlotte looking around apprehensively, expecting one to come slithering in the back door.
“Never eat a snake,” I said cutting off Big Pie whose appetite was still active. You have to understand that Big Pie comes from a family of healthy eaters and there isn’t much dearer to his heart than a good buffet. More than one buffet operator has threatened bankruptcy after a visit by Big Pie and his clan.
“Wild hogs down there too. Lots of ’em. I understand they are quite tasty when barbecued.” I opined, licking up the last of my pie crust crumbs.
“Wild hogs. You’d never get me down there!” shrieked Sweet Charlotte, putting away the rest of the pie, obviously not now going to offer me a third piece.
“Buffet. . . Barbecue. . . ” muttered Big Pie, his eyes glazing over as he entered a near trance like state.
“Yeah, there’s one over in Bristol on the banks of the Apalachicola River about 30 miles from your place that serves up quite a spread including fried chicken and hog ribs,” I explained.
“That’s it! We’re heading south next winter. It’s high time I looked at this investment more closely,” expostulated Big Pie, brooking no opposition from Sweet Charlotte.
Before I left, Big Pie gave me the description and location of his southern estate and extracted a promise I would drive by it and get a picture. Although I tried my best to get there the week we were scheduled to, the Wakulla region had a rainfall of Biblical proportion. Twenty plus inches had closed the road, the buffet at Bristol. Gators and snakes flushed out of the swamps were reported wandering the roadsides looking for stray tourists, so the visit will have to wait another year.
I also warned the Applache Buffet about the impending visit of Big Pie next year. I hear they might institute a six trip limit on visits to the buffet.