The signs of spring are everywhere. The mail box is full of seed catalogues. The TV is cluttered with ads for crop production chemicals. The male woodchucks are out of their dens scurrying from burrow to burrow, mauling and mating. At our place up in Blue, in anticipation of a […]
Jack Elliott – Squirrel Pie
Speak first, think later. It’s a common trait. Politicians are great at it. As a matter of fact, they have their feet in their mouths so much, they’re barely intelligible. At least I think that’s the reason they don’t make much sense. Two of the most famous foot-in-mouthers belong to […]
No one should tolerate drunks behind the wheel, and no one is more adamant about the subject than Big Pye, Puddin’s cousin up in Rat Portage. “I don’t want to see you kids ever behind the wheel under the influence,” offered Big Pye on the occasion of a daughter obtaining […]
A great philosophical truth was uttered in Fat Frantic the other day. “It’s a good thing we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for,” hollered Hollerin’ Harold, commenting on the latest local traffic control regulations. The whole trucking fraternity–this is a men’s only club–was gathered around the tables at […]
After the excitement, the phone rang and my neighbour gasped, “Well, I guess there’s nothing the matter with my heart but my wife, Sugar, thinks she may have a slight concussion!” It had all started a year earlier when Puddin’ Pye’s cousin and my neighbour, Milk Toast, experienced a severe […]
It was bound to happen. Finally, my bathroom scale has had a nervous breakdown. In the post-holiday season, as I started my annual lament on how my clothes were continuing to shrink, my good wife, the Pearl of the Orient, put things in focus for me. “It’s not your clothes, […]
In today’s society, nothing seems to be quite as important as being on the cutting edge of fashion. Not ethics, not moral values, not character, not reputation, not good deeds, and definitely not common sense. They all take a distant second place to fashion. How else do you explain the […]
The motto of the Scouts is, “Be prepared!” It’s something we should all take to heart. The Pearl of the Orient is always prepared. “Take a bath and change your underwear. You never know we might be in a car accident,” she’s cautioned me before many a motor trip. However, […]
Safety has no season but summer, with its outdoor activities, seems to be when the discussion of it comes to the forefront. When the bass tournament at Fat Frantic was full swing last month, for instance, lures of every description were whizzing through the air like deer flies over Drizzle […]
A boss must be willing to take on and accomplish every chore they would delegate to an employee. But do bosses know how to do everything as well as the employees? At the Fat Frantic Times, you should see the whenever the boss undertakes to, say, optimize the operating system […]
