Just say no to crack

This actually happened and it bears repeating. It happened “Along about knee deep in June” a few summers back. It was a beautiful summer morning as the usual crew pulled up to the debating table at the Bakery in Rainy River. I prompted Val for an order of toast and a half-dozen other voices chirped in, “Me too.”

Val who was right in the middle of arranging the trays of fresh donuts muttered something about needing a vacation as she disappeared into the kitchen.

By the time Scrounger rolled in with his youngest- it was his day for parenting- we were on our second refill and the toast was being slathered with condiments and being variously nibbled at and wolfed down. Larry was busy cutting off, and wrapping up a tidbit for his dog that was waiting patiently guarding the truck. Failure to bring said treat can result in a sharp nip, so he is quite diligent about this issue.

As I said Scrounger was parenting today and his toddler although not talking can be quite vocal until her request for a donut or something equally sweet and sticky is provided, then she settles down and munches, chews and mashes the treat. She even manages to eat some of it. But today the sugar went straight into the blood stream and she became hyper. Climbing off Dad’s knee, donut in hand she rambled around the bakery inspecting everyone and everything.

This is when summer fashion intruded. With the warm weather, both Pickle and the Runt have put away the blue jeans and were sporting their summer shorts. But suspension adjustments and coordination were not yet completed for the season and the Runts tee shirt bottom and his shorts belt line were not exactly in sync. Hence when he was seated, he was displaying a pronounced plumber’s salute. This bothered us not a whit as the Runt was seated facing the table.

Scrounger’s charge making the circuit of the table however came face to face with the sight. Perhaps it was just curiosity or perhaps the cleavage reminded her of the feeding station she had patronized not many months past. With her donut clasped firmly in one hand she ran her other sticky hand and a chunk of donut into the proffered cleavage.

The Runt his cup half-way to his mouth, snorted, sat straight up and involuntarily clenched his buttocks at this unexpected intrusion.

The toddler startled by the force of the cheek grip let out a startled chirp and tugging mightily managed to extract her hand from the bear trap.

Pickle from his vantage observed the whole performance and after he finished choking on his coffee managed to advise the Toddler, “Just say no to crack!”

The toddler scrambled back up on Dad’s knee and demanded another donut while the rest of us chortled and the Runt’s face burned several shades of pink.

Val just brought around the coffee pot and muttered, “Gawd, I need a vacation!”