Down for the count

The battle of the bulge never ends. The latest tactic rejected counting calories and has resorted to counting points. Points are something like calories, but the numbers aren’t near as big. A help for we of the numerically challenged.

“If I poach that walleye, it’s only 4 points. If I fry it, its 14,” explained my wife the Pearl as she consulted her WW bible. Poached walleye! Yuck!

I must admit though, we had both done very well… at first. Then the Caribbean Cruise raised its ugly head. At first I resisted, and then a head cold said I needed comfort food. The nice thing about this points program is you get extra points allocation for a once a week treat as well as bonuses for exercise. By day three of the cruise, I had used up my ‘extra points’ for the next three weeks. And the Captain informed me if I made one more circle of the promenade deck he would have me thrown in the brig.

The cruise ended as a stalemate. Fortunately Montezuma’s revenge precluded storing any excess carrying capacity.

Back on terra firma, the buffet brakes were re-applied. Broccoli and beans kept me regular and the points count down.

Then it happened, Carla showed up for a card game one evening complete with a banana cream pie. It was heavenly. At least a third of it was hurried into the fridge immediately after supper. It kept calling to me all night, thrice waking me from a sound sleep. But I resisted until noon the next day.

The Pearl was off on a shopping spree with Emily so I put on the coffee, chewed on my dry biscuit with celery until exactly 12 noon. Then I made a judicious cut, taking not quite half the remaining pie. I let it linger on the plate for a full ten minutes while the coffee perked.

“Eat me,” it wheezed and sighed, but just as I took the first forkful Emily and the Pearl walked in, home from that shopping.

“You’re just in time for a piece of pie and coffee,” I offered warmly, willing at that point to part with the balance of the ambrosia.

“No thanks, I’ve got to get going,” replied Emily. I swallowed that first bite and quickly took a second. My vision blurred as I inhaled the goodness.

I glanced at the Pearl, who exercising supreme self-control turned up her nose and offered, “Well here, we’ll wrap up the rest and you can take it home for Norm.

I almost choked, but swallowed hard and exclaimed, “Oh no! It’s way too good to give to Norm.”

I had the last piece for supper. Sorry, Norm.