My Brother-in-law Ralph is a blue eyed arab from the oil patch aka Alberta, and his byline, Crankcase Sludge. He provided the story for this week’s column.
Ralph was in the commercial insulation business for a few decades. Hank was the foreman of his insulation crew. His job was to ‘foreman’, also train newbies in the fine art of blowing loose-fill into attics, relates Ralph. To be clear, the job isn’t rocket science, but getting it spread evenly is an art in itself, if there is enough space to sit or lay while doing it.
The problem arises with head-room in some attics.Take low-pitched roofs; often less than two feet clearance. The newish, and much smaller apprentices, new Canadians, hired for this close quarter work rebelled. Hank knew they’d feel claustrophobic up inside. No amount of cajoling, or threats of early retirement made any difference.
Finally, in a fit of foremanship, Hank exploded, “just tie a rope around my ankle. I’ll inch in on my stomach as far as possible, then when I want to go backwards, pull on the rope to drag me back out.”
Let me explain the process further: the worker climbs into the attic, lays on his stomach, all the while holding fast to a three inch diameter rubber/plastic hose, blowing in the product evenly.
Hank finally said “Pull me back”. Nothing moved. Hank was stuck! “Giver’ a good yank”, he yelled. (A further bit of useful information; Fibers shooting through a hose develop a lot of static electricity, enough for arm hairs to stand on end.)
Back to the story. When they yanked, his bottom rose high enough for his butt to touch a single protruding shingle nail sticking down through the plywood. The whole attic began to flicker as St. Elmo’s Fire crackled and danced over his body and around the rafters. Tens of thousands of volts,–thankfully no amps– sent Hank into near levitation, if he’d had enough room to do so!
The next day he reported to the office, walking and moving slowly.
“How are you today?” the boss inquired.
“Not bad – that jolt is a lot more effective than a little blue pill!”
Had Hank patented that process he might have bankrupted one of the pharmaceutical industries most profitable lines.
But I wonder if that is also a side-effect of being “tasered”.
Maybe the OPP can answer that.
